Episode 192: 3 Myths About Quirky Kids…BUSTED! with Ginny Kochis
For the Busy Mommas…
In this episode, we've got Ginny Kochis…a Catholic wife and mom to three twice-exceptional children.
With a master's degree, she's a highly educated former high school English teacher with two decades of experience educating children of all ability levels.
Through her Quirky Catholic Kids website and community, Ginny offers practical support and prayerful encouragement to Catholic families raising neurodivergent kids.
And she believes (just like we do) that God gives curious, creative, intense children the exact mother they need to thrive.
Ginny Kochis (00:58)
Ginny had a preconceived idea about what it meant to be either honors, special needs, and average (as far as students go). Then her first child came.
Everything she thought she knew went out the window.
Her baby girl began talking at 9 months, was an incredible artist at the age of 2, taught herself to read before age 4, and was reading The Hobbit before kindergarten.
The issue came when she began a Catholic Kindergarten. Ginny had seen some interesting behaviors from her daughter prior to school, but it became more clear as she was in the company of many other children that there was something else going on.
She was getting overwhelmed and angry and running straight out of the classroom. The school would call and Ginny would hear her daughter crying and yelling in the background. The school sugggested that her daughter be evaluated, and when she was, she was found to be on the spectrum (Level 1 Autism not affecting language or intelligence).
Now she’s doing great (she’s graduated, will begin University).
Through the process, Ginny learned what it means to be neurodivergent, because she didn’t know the kids in her honors classes who weren’t putting their best effort forward weren’t just lazy, they were struggling with executive function. Kids she had who were constantly up and moving around the classroom weren’t jittery or not paying attention, they probably had a sensory need to move or issues with attention.
The more she learned about giftedness, the more she learned that it can come along with neurodivergent co-morbidities.
As she and her husband had more children, Ginny’s second child was diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety, and potentially ADHD, and her son has more severe OCD, Anxiety, and is highly gifted.
When Ginny had kids who were 9, 5, and 1, it was a very lonely time. She had decided to homeschool the oldest and was dealing with post-partum depression (for which she received treatment), and as things turned a corner, she began writing about her experience.
What it’s really like to raise neurodivergent kids. God doesn’t make mistakes, and these kids have beautiful brains. The more Ginny wrote about it, the more people she found who felt the same way. She now has a community of 2,500 mothers.
The fact that Ginny has written about these things not only helps other mothers with neurodivergent children, but it also gives those of us with mom friends who have neurodivergent children a better understanding (and allows us to become better friends).
Motherhood is one of the hardest things you could ever possibly do, so everywhere you go (whether your kids are neurotypical or not), people will judge you and look at you. This is a universal experience.
For Ginny, as her kids get older, she’s learned to choose her battles. But she knows there are women who aren’t there yet. Now, she can see when a mom needs a bit of help, and if necessary, she’ll step in and lend a hand.
Myth...Quirky Behavior is a Result of Poor Parenting (11:45)
The idea is that if your kids aren’t behaving a certain way, clearly you aren’t raising them right…wrong.
Ginny had worked with her daughter endlessly and felt like she had failed to teach her important qualities in order to function, and only when they had pursued different therapies did she realize that behavior is communication.
If people were more aware and understood that most of what our children do is a form of communicating their feelings, it would be helpful (particularly for parents of quirky kids).
Behavior is not always a result of poor parenting, and it is always a form of communication.
Myth...Quirks Are Character Flaws (17:10)
If you have children who are unaware of social cues, maybe they interrupt conversations, or walk into homes and start conversations (without knocking), or even stimming (one example could be repeating the last few words of what they say). Another example of stimming could be galloping (or running).
These behaviors aren’t wrong, they are simply the brain doing what it needs to—to process information.
Ginny has even noticed her husband exhibiting quirky behaviors, like chewing on a toothpick (in fact, this is one of the things that attracted her to him in the first place).
Myth...Structure, Not Flexibility, or vice-versa is Key (22:35)
Ginny’s kids thrive on routine, and for a long time, she had forced them into a schedule. Unfortunately, this was too rigid and created anxiety. What she learned was that routines are great, being flexible with the routines is better, and some families do better with structure.
Finding a routine that works for your family is what’s important.
Having a routine you can stick to, even if you’re on vacation, is imperative (wake-ups, morning basket, etc.).
The daily anchors for Ginny’s family are her son’s Piccachu Suit (don’t worry, she washes it), breakfast,Catechism, medication, a small bit of screen time, dressing, and off to school.
After school, there’s snack time, recap of the day, playtime, dinner, and evening conversation or cuddles.
One thing Ginny would share with a mom newly entering this phase, would be to remember her child is still the same little person you held the day they were born. God created them the way he wanted them, and rely on God because he will give you the grace you need to fulfill the motherhood he’s calling you to.
More from Ginny Kochis
Join the Quirky Kids Community
Use our Homeschool Plan Like A Mother to brainstorm memory-stacking ideas and give them a home. Then put them on your calendar (or get Britt's Beautiful Calendar to make space for those memories and keep them top of mind for everyone!)
Remember....
You are doing beautiful work!
