Episode 194: Instagram Lied About Their Childhood
For the Busy Mommas…
Instagram lied...there is no "right" childhood and chasing it IS what's stealing valuable peace from our momma hearts.
There's no single perfect childhood you're supposed to recreate for your kids.
Not the one you made up from the 10 moms you follow on IG.
And not even the one you've always dreamed of giving your children.
The truth is, there's no one-size-fits-all version and there's no possible way you could have foreseen every eventuality, the type of children you had, their specific needs, life changes, world changes...we could go on and on.
Each one of these factors changes the game a little.
And even in all this...God is writing your children's childhood through your family.
Today we're pulling back the curtain on the pressure we face chasing a fictitious vision of "good" and embracing the truth that the childhood your kids are living in your home right now is the one they're MEANT to have. Mess and all.
We're going to share a few ways you can lean into that peace, purpose and trust the season you're in.
And while you're listening, we want you to hold this question with open hands:
Lord, what kind of childhood are You inviting me to co-create with You?
God Knew What He Was Doing (01:35)
Let's start with a little truth bomb...God didn't give your children to a system.
He gave them to you, to your husband, to your family, and however many or however few siblings they have.
There is no one-size-fits-all-childhood...only the one He's writing through your family's story. It makes sense why we seek answers outside of ourselves.
But we know...our momma hearts KNOW. We know our children, we know our situation, we know what our people need. If you ever feel unsure, go to God with your doubts, fears, and questions (and then listen)…because He knows.
Childhood Looks Different for Each Child in a Family (03:45)
Every child is going to have a different childhood. Even if you’re still the same parent, standing on the same values, each of your children is a unique human who will see through a different lens.
Every family is different, not just a little bit, but in every big and small way. So is every child. They may have varied school experiences (public, private, homeschool) and different friends and experiences.
A family may move, experience loss, or have a tremendous gain. Each new season can look different even in the same family. You can’t create a perfect childhood for any one kid.
We're Here to Build a Family Not a Childhood (05:30)
We think we're here to build a memorable childhood...but what we're really here is to build a family and their childhood is built from that.
Guilt from not giving kids a "fun" or memorable childhood steals our peace. If you envision giving your kids a memorable childhood, it can cause you to overthink any of the fun things you try to do and will rob the entire experience of peace.
We don't want to depend too much on our kids’ happiness. Father Mike Schmitz has an excellent video about God and why bad things happen; the idea he shares in the video is that if everything was perfect we would never need God. We learn from challenges, and that’s one of the wonderful parts (for us) about being Catholic. We have a great respect and honor for hardship and challenge because these are the experiences that help us grow (and move closer to God).
This is the same for our kids.
We don't want to ruin their fun or days, but we must remember that life is more than just fun. If this is our only goal for our kids, we aren’t preparing them for adulthood (because life isn’t always fun). One skill worth building, however, is to have fun no matter where you are and what’s happening around you…you can only do this in tough situations.
Surviving...IS as much part of their story as it is yours. God doesn’t make mistakes. If you’re 5 kids deep, you think you’re losing your mind, and you’re not getting any sleep, and you feel like you’re drowning every day, this part of your story is shaping you and your kids…but not for the worst.
This time is shaping your family, and it is beautiful despite being hard.
What Now? (11:15)
Hold any negative thoughts and begin with one thing.
If getting out the door causes your chest to tighten and your defenses to go up before it's even time to leave, and you’re constantly relying on your oldest child (or maybe just your most capable child), it can weigh heavily on your heart because you feel as if you’re over-using that child.
First, remember that it is good, holy, and beautiful that the members of our families serve one another.
Second, we must look at the youngest capable child for different tasks. Getting out the door in the morning was a challenge for Britt. She’s learned to delegate, especially to the youngest capable child, which has helped tremendously.
Here’s what she did…
She put the oldest child in charge of the youngest (change + outfit). Then the second oldest was put in charge of the second youngest (outfit + shoes). Relationship-wise, it’s best to work from the outside in (so a child is not responsible for the one directly younger than them), and the middle children are usually pretty capable of managing themselves and working on family-oriented tasks.
This allows you to be more of a manager than the sole do-er.
All of these things are good, and add to a childhood (instead of taking away from it).
You don't have to recreate anyone else's childhood. You're allowed to build one that fits your kids, your family, your home, and your heart.
Ask God in prayer today 'what kind of childhood are YOU inviting me to co-create with You and my husband?' (and not the kind where you have complete silence, we're talking about that desperate Hail Mary Pass kind that seems to be all is possible in the chaos of this season).
Then, listen.
His answer won't sound like hustle—it'll sound like home and it will feel like peace.
Use our Homeschool Plan Like A Mother to brainstorm memory-stacking ideas and give them a home. Then put them on your calendar (or get Britt's Beautiful Calendar to make space for those memories and keep them top of mind for everyone!)
Remember....
You are doing beautiful work!
