Episode 182: Parenting: The End Game
For the Busy Mommas…
Caveat: Listen...if you're deep in a survival season...if you're putting your underwear on inside out because you're getting dressed in the dark and only half awake...if your idea of a well-rounded meal looks like a cup of coffee...that's been cold for hours...
This podcast is for future you...and we promise she's coming...
If you're coming out of the fog...
If you have a little more energy and capacity
If you feel like you're ready to lay some great foundations for your kids (and frankly...for you!)
Then this podcast is for today you or any mom friends you know who might be in this stage as well (the annoying one you love to hate, but also kind of look up to, and want to be).
The 4 levels of mastery are the hack I've used to introduce life skills to my children year after year.
And they apply to literally everything...
Cooking
Cleaning
Chores (scouring bathrooms, mopping floors, cleaning areas)
Social skills
Shopping
Errands (post office, returns)
Phone calls
Choose any topic and use these 4 steps...
We'll use cooking as an example:
Observer (02:35)
The first time you bring a new task, chore, or lesson to your children, teach them by having them watch how you do it and explaining as you go.
Right now, my 10-year-old is learning to cook dinners. What this step looks like in real-time is that I choose a meal that I know will be in the wheelhouse of her capacity.
I call her into the kitchen and let her jump up on the counter, and we spend one-on-one time (likely with many interruptions from little ones) while I cook. As I do, I narrate like I'm on a cooking show, telling her what pan I'm using, why I'm using it, what I'm doing, why I'm cutting... This time, she's just along for the ride, soaking in all she can from what she's seeing and hearing.
Helper (04:15)
Have your child do the task with you, still explaining as you go, but also asking questions about the process.
The next week I'm going to put that same meal on the menu (so make sure it's something you and your people actually like). This time she is going to be work with me. If I'm cutting an onion, she's cutting half. If there are any tasks she is capable of, I invite her to do them. All still explaining as I go, but also asking her questions about the steps.
Leader (05:45)
Have your child do the task while you watch and be available if they have questions or to gently guide if they forget.
The next week (or longer if you're sick of spaghetti by now)...your child is going to make the meal while you watch...no chopping or doing from you...and no instructing or narrating. But DO answer any of their questions and gently guide if they start getting off track. Mistakes will get made and that's okay!
Doer (09:15)
Allow them to do it entirely alone from start to finish. Then, after you check their work, praise what you see was remembered or done well (even if it's not perfect). Gently show them only one or two things to remember the next time. Finish by encouraging them and thanking them for their hard work or effort.
Finally, this is where they get their wings. They'll gather the ingredients, cut, measure, & cook. They're still going to make little mistakes or maybe use salt instead of sugar in the cookies...but I promise they'll never forget again. *she says from experience*
The last part of this step is pretty important and one I've really had to work hard on. I'm GREAT at seeing what wasn't done....but not so great at praising all that was done...I'm working on it.
Praise anything you see they did well or remembered (for example)…
Thank you for putting the dishes you use on the side of the sink (even though none of them are rinsed off)
I see you remembered to saute the onions before the garlic (because the garlic isn't burned this time)
I noticed you kept your workspace tidy (even though the sink is a mess)
Then, gently show them 1 or 2 things to remember the next time. This could look like…
Now that you're finished let's rinse all these dishes. I like to rinse them as I go along because it means less work when I'm all finished...how would you like to try that next time?
Sometimes I would forget to start the green beans until the very end too and our chicken would get cold, did you know you can start your green beans as soon as you put the chicken in the oven?
Now, their mastery begins. It continues to get better and better from here.
Here's the truth bomb. It IS work to teach our children and build foundations.
It IS time.
But the payoff is incredible.
Most parenting is front-loaded, and when you teach a 7-year-old how to make an egg using these four steps...they can now serve their family making breakfast for years to come. And each time you do this, you add to the 'whole'ness of your child and your family.
Jon Acuff says that if you want a kind 16-year-old, teach a 6-year-old kindness and give them 10 years to practice.
I couldn't agree more.
If you want an easy guide to print with the steps on it and an adorable certificate to light up your child's pride or to add to their homeschool portfolio, we added one in there, too. Grab the link here.
And sweet mommas, never forget…
YOU are doing beautiful work!
